UPDATE 11/30/09 :: Ray received a call from Ms. CPS this afternoon. She had not a single question for him except to be sure he knew of the report and her visit earlier this month. He was informed that the case has officially been closed. Praise God!

UPDATE 2/16/10 :: We have discovered that the child our friendly neighbor almost hit – with his own car, mind you – was not, in fact, Noah. Sounds like other issues are at play here. So sad.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to give my friendly neighbor any satisfaction by writing about this, but decided that I have nothing to hide and this is a good lesson for all of us, really. I don’t know who called CPS to report us, but I do have my suspicions and I know this person will read this. I write about this incident here in hopes that others can learn from their mistake, which fortunately didn’t prove to be more than an inconvenience for anyone. While I don’t expect an apology, I do hope that this neighbor will do me the courtesy of a friendly chat if ever they see any of my kids in danger again.

~~~~~~~~~~~
So, imagine my surprise when a gal from Child Protective Services showed up at my door this morning. Of course, I immediately began questioning myself as a mom, and all the little doubts poured in to my head as I stood there while she introduced herself. What did I do to warrant an investigation? My kids are safe and well-loved, so why is she here? I really am a good mom, aren’t I?

I invited Ms. CPS in and offered her a glass of water. Just as I would have if you, as my neighbor or friend, had shown up at my door unannounced. She asked about the kids, who were taking a break from their morning studies to try out a new toy in the backyard, and mentioned she’d want to meet them after we had a chance to chat.

At this point, I still was unaware of the reason for the visit. I offered up a prayer to the One who gives me peace and knew instantly that I was not to fear. As Ms. CPS read me the report I couldn’t help but think that it all sounded like things a child who was known to be a tattle-tell would say…

“I can hear the kids outside playing all day long”
“Ben climbs on the mailbox”
“the twins are always hitting each other and playing rough with Josh”
“the older kids are out front unsupervised between 4-6 every day”

Oh, that’s weird, since my kids have had soccer practice twice a week, from 5-6, for the past several months! You think perhaps our neighbor was seeing the other dozen children who play outside every day? hmmm.

Then it turned ridiculous…

“Ray is never home”
“Christine is upstairs sleeping all day or on the computer”

Um, my husband works very hard to provide for his family and has a job, thank God. He works Monday through Friday 8am to 5:30pm, but is home every night for dinner, spends every weekend with his kids, and is not even close to being an absent father.

While I admit that I have a job that requires a lot of computer time, I can assure you that I do not spend as much time on the computer during the day as you may think. In fact, most of my computer time is after I’ve done school with my kids, and in the evenings. My husband has reason to complain, but certainly not a nosey neighbor.

Even Ms. CPS kinda laughed at the accusation that I sleep all day! Honestly, I don’t even get so much as a 2 hour nap on most weekends. I only wish I could sleep more, but I threw that dream out the window when I started having kids!

By the way, it may be helpful to know that none of these accusations – if that’s what you want to call them – are relevant to CPS’s jurisdiction and in no way are indicative of neglect.

The only valid concern Ms. CPS shared was that “Noah was seen in the street with just a diaper on” and apparently was “almost hit by a car.” Now, I do not make a habit of allowing my two-year-old to play out front without clothes on, especially without adult supervision. Most often, though, he is out front before I even realize he has escaped through the garage or out the back gate, as he is known to be quite the little escape artist as he follows his siblings around. To remedy this very real problem, Ray and I were already planning to install high locks on all of our doors, but in the meantime Noah is sure to escape again.

Honestly, what upsets me the most about all of this is that this neighbor who reported us knows all of our names and my children’s ages. S/he even mentioned stories I’ve written about here. Posing as a neighborly friend and finding it necessary to report a single valid incident was so not cool. It would have been nice if this person had walked Noah home after seeing him almost get hit by a car, like most concerned friends would have done, instead of calling CPS!

A big thanks to our CPS informant, however, for allowing me to prove to Child Protective Services what a good mother I really am and how well-taken care of my children are!

Now for the lesson…

Reporting parents to CPS for neglect is not something to be done lightly. If you feel it’s your neighborly duty to report parents, it’s certainly in your best interest to decide if that isolated incident you’ve witnessed is, in fact, neglect. I’ve been informed that CPS doesn’t take kindly to frivolous reports on good parents, and over time you will lose your credibility.

{ 64 comments }