Advice From My Daughter :: 10 Things to Do to Be a Better Mom {#BlogEveryDayinMay}

by Christine - From Dates to Diapers on May 8, 2013

I was talking to my mom and she said she was doing a thing called #BlogEveryDayInMay. Today’s assignment is to “give your advice about anything” so I hacked her blog and want to give you advice on how to be a greater mom than you already are now!

1. Always listen to your kids. If you don’t, they think you don’t care. And they’ll most likely get upset.

2. Play with them. Go outside and explore with them.

3. Teach them things. Like how to bake a cake, or how to ride a bike. Basic things like that.

4. Talk to them. Ask them how their day was at school. ( They’ll tell you mostly everything, if they’re like me. )

5. Take them to fun places. Like the pool or the park. And do it often. They’ll enjoy it.

6. Let them go places by themselves. They won’t be a baby forever, you know!

7. Give your kids chores. They need to learn responsibility for their older years.

8. Tell your kids you love them. Say it often. And make sure they know that you do.

9. Let them know you trust them. If they know you do they will use that trust more carefully.

10. Give them ice cream!!!!! They’ll love you forever. I’m not even joking.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

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What’s Your Mothering Style?

by Christine - From Dates to Diapers on January 20, 2012

My good friend recently posted on her Facebook wall that she had taken a quiz that gave a bit of insight in to her mothering style. Of the sixteen possible styles, her answers showed her to be Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, Judging - A ‘Responsibility’ Mother. As I read the description – adapted from the book MotherStyles: Using Personality Type to Discover Your Parenting Strength – it was very clear that the strengths described fit that of my sweet friend.

I was curious and couldn’t help but wonder in which style my answers would categorize me. Am I the ‘Action Adventure’ Mother? Or, maybe the ‘How To’ Mother?

After answering a series of questions in four separate sections, I was given my results. I am the classic ‘Independence’ Mother. Honestly, I never would have described myself as such, but as I read the list of strengths and struggles I had to admit that most of them were pretty spot on. In fact, I laughed out loud at a few of them!

The ‘Independence’ Mother

Extraverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Perceiving

Strengths

Energetic spontaneity. “Always” ready to drop what she’s doing for an outing or new experience, she’s seldom bogged down with day-to-day “drudgery,” bringing a breath of fresh air and a new perspective to any situation.
Encouraging independence. She creates and supports opportunities for her children to be out on their own, mastering their independence.
Teaching. A wonderful teacher of “life,” she sees every activity and moment in the day as an opportunity for children to learn about life and expand their minds.
Tolerance and acceptance. She lets children do their own thing and refrains from pigeon-holing them. In action and words, she demonstrates respect for self and others.

Struggles

Inactivity. With her need for action, variety, and independence, she finds it draining to be homebound. She may also find it difficult to adjust to children who are slower paced than she.
Clingy children. If she has a child who is physically clingy or emotionally needy, she may worry that he or she will never be independent or self-sufficient.
Household routines. Impatient with the details and schedules of day-to-day living, she may struggle to carry out daily routines. She may let mundane chores turn into mini-crises… and end up doing laundry at 2 A.M. when there’s no clean underwear.

What’s your mothering personality type?
Take the MotherStyles quiz at FamilyEducation.com
I’d love to hear about your results and whether or not you agree with the assessment!

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The Five Languages of Love

by Christine - From Dates to Diapers on February 8, 2010

When Ray and I were newlyweds, we studied a book called The Five Love Languages. In this book, Gary Chapman explains the different ways in which people react to others, based on actions and words, thus resulting in changes in our “love tanks.”

Chapman spent an entire chapter in his book explaining how the love languages can be applied to children. He also wrote a book called The Five Love Languages of Children. Now, I haven’t read his book geared towards children, and we didn’t have children when we went through the first one, but the same lessons Ray and I learned so long ago can be applied to our children, as well. Our children need to have love tanks that are full, as well.

According to Chapman, there are five ways in which each of us express and receive love:

Quality Time
Words of Affirmation
Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

Each are pretty self-explanatory and I’m sure you could recognize which most speaks to you or your spouse just by glancing at the list, but what about your children? Which one would best describe each of their love languages?

Knowing how to identify each of the languages of love in Ray has helped me grasp how to identify them in my children. Ethan and Josh both begin to glow when Dad or I spend quality time with either of them. It doesn’t have to be a lot of time, but even just a quick conversation or little bit of undivided attention goes a long way in filling their love tanks. Zach, on the other hand, thrives on words of affirmation and encouragement. Gifts is my love language, so it’s easily recognizable in Julia as she is always making and giving gifts. And, physical touch is big for both my Ben and Noah – Both are generally always in need of a hug and Noah falls asleep with one hand on my face!

We naturally pour on all five languages when our children are young. We must spend time with them, serve them, and hug and cuddle, so as to sustain their life. We shower them with praises as they smile for the first time, burp after a feeding, and later as they begin to crawl and then walk.

As our children mature and develop personalities, however, their language of love can be a bit harder to identify. Here are a few ways to best determine which one each of our children most appreciates:

Observe their reaction to the different ways in which you express your love for them
Observe how they show their love to others
Listen to their requests
Give them options

I would love to hear which language you speak. What about your spouse and children?

It’s important to remember that if you express love in a way that is not understood, your child or spouse may not realize you’ve expressed your love at all. Chapman stresses the importance of understanding your loved ones’ language in order to keep their love tanks full.

Is your love tank full?

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There is hope for me yet!

by Christine - From Dates to Diapers on January 2, 2010

Tonight, while Daddy was snowboarding with our twins (yes, on in to the dark), I decided that I needed some air. Of course I had to bring my youngest four along on my quest for this new air, but I HAD to get out of the house.

So, I did what any insane mom with four young kids should do when she feels antsy. I took my little darlings out for pizza and promised them ice cream.

Only my kids didn’t act like little darlings.

They squirmed and fidgeted. They crawled under the table and tried to crawl over the table. They chattered incessantly. Quite loudly, I must add. They filled their cups with root beer. And then pink lemonade. They spilled their root beer. And their pink lemonade.

And instead of enjoying this time out with my four youngest children, I grumbled and complained. I raised my voice and reprimanded them. I took back my promise of ice cream.

And now, after they have all been tucked in and are sound asleep, I feel bad.

After all, they were just being kids. Kids fidget. Kids are loud. Kids spill stuff.

But I was worried. Worried about what others may think. Worried about what the parents of the beautiful little girls, both sitting quietly as they played on their bright blue DS, would think of me – the crazy mom with four unruly, and very loud, little brats.

So often do I worry about how we may be perceived that I forget to enjoy my children. I mean truly enjoy them.

Too often do I shush my children from speaking their minds for fear that we, as parents, would be seen as too lenient. Or that we may believe that ourselves.

Sometimes I even squelch their feelings, because kids shouldn’t be allowed to dislike a person, or feel anger towards someone for not believing them, right?

I find myself, on occasion, feeling as though I am simply suffering through this season of child-rearing, instead of truly enjoying these short days with the amazing little blessings God has given us to love.

My prayer, in this new year, is that I would ::

listen to my kids more,
shush them less

see things through their eyes,
not force them to see things through mine

play with my children more,
make fewer excuses

laugh more,
worry less.

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My Big Family

December 10, 2009

Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord, and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man, so are children of the youth. Happy is the man whose quiver is full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies [...]

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YoungMommy knows she’s not an “expert”

January 23, 2009

I have never been to nursing school or had any formal training as a doula or midwife. I am not a child psychologist or family counselor. I’m not an expert in pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding or raising kids. I have been pregnant 5 times, birthed 6 babies, breastfed all of them, and am now raising five [...]

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Potty Training Success

February 20, 2008

The following is one of my potty training success stories, originally published at my other blog, Organized Chaos. This was almost exactly one year ago – Josh was 21-months-old, Ben was just beginning to walk, and I was pregnant with Noah. I always dread potty training and try to put it off as long as [...]

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Big Helpers

February 15, 2008

I was just recently asked the following question, and decided to answer it here — “How do you manage to make older siblings feel included and loved when you welcome a new one so close in age?” All of my kiddos (with the exception of my twins, of course) are between 18 and 23 months [...]

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Yet Another Benefit of Breastfeeding

January 25, 2008

I am currently nursing my sixth baby. Well, not technically. My twins were born 9 weeks early and were actually bottle-fed. But, they did consume only breast milk for the first year of their lives…. My body worked around the clock to make sure they had all the nutrients and benefits that only my milk [...]