6 Ways to Rediscover That Lovin’ Feeling

by Christine - From Dates to Diapers on April 5, 2012

I’ve always loved Ray with a very sincere and passionate love, but it felt for a bit as though we had “lost that lovin’ feeling.” I suppose it could have been the fact that I was either pregnant or nursing for the majority of the first eight years of our mariage. Or, perhaps, it was stress over finances and the cares of running a household of so many. I suspect, though, that it was as simple as taking each other for granted and losing sight of why we fell in love so many years ago.

Falling in love again with your spouse is definitely possible. Ray and I are proof. Recently there was a major shift in our relationship. We, once again, feel like giddy newlyweds and are often mistaken for such when we’re out on our bi-monthly dates. I believe it’s because we’ve made each other a priority, we take time for meaningful conversations, and we’ve just plain relaxed.

What else?

• Texting – When I receive a quick “thinking about you” or “i love you” text from Ray it immediately brings a smile to my face. This simple act can go a long way to let your spouse know that you care. It’s fun to get creative with your messages, too!

• Handwritten love notes – Before the age of iMessage, email and Facebook, Ray and I got to know each other through hand-written letters. Now, many years later, little notes, sometimes scrawled out in a hurry, brings back those warm memories of young love.

• “Parking” dates – It’s easy to get in a rut on date nights. A friend, just the other day, recommended ordering fast food and finding a great place to “park.” With the music turned down low, just go with the flow and relax together.

• Going away together - Ray and I are big believers in taking time away to focus on each other. In addition to our regular date nights, we try to go away for a night or two at least once a month. This mini-vacation restores intimacy and proves to each other that our marriage is a priority. It also shows our children know that we  value alone time.

• Quickies – I know what you are thinking, but I am referring to just a quick phone call, a brief visit to the office, or just a quiet time out in the evening to focus on each other. It doesn’t have to be long, but proving to each other that nothing is more important is so necessary for a healthy marriage.

• Reminiscing – I recently sat for hours and looked through old letters, cards, and photos from early in our marriage. Seeing our raw emotions and feelings expressed in words brought back that warm feeling of joy and happiness. Reminiscing together about your firsts as a couple is sure to spark some pleasant conversations.

How do you and your spouse keep the spark alive in your marriage?

photo credit: Adam Foster | Codefor via photopin cc, text added

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The Vow :: More Than Just A Movie

by Christine - From Dates to Diapers on March 26, 2012

My sisters and I recently went and saw the movie The Vow, with Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum. I laughed and cried and we all left the theater expressing how much we liked the movie.

But, the movie left a lasting impression on me. The actors who appeared in the movie were not what made the impression, nor were their performances, but rather the story. (Although, Mr Channing is certainly not hard to look at!)

The Vow portrays the heartbreaking events that occurred in the lives of a real couple. Of course, the movie is a Hollywood production, which is just to say that only some of the events mimic those that changed Kim and Krickett Carpenter forever – most importantly the loss of Krickett’s memory in a horrific accident.

I was inspired to discover the true-life story of a husband who kept his promise to his new bride to “provide for and protect (her) through times of challenge and need.” I devoured the book written by the Carpenters on my cross-country trip yesterday.

What would you do if your spouse didn’t remember you? How would you feel if s/he had no recollection of meeting you, dating you, falling in love with you, much less marrying you?

Can the love of a lifetime find a second chance?

Kim and Krickett had only been married two months when they were involved in the accident that left Kim’s body broken and cut, and Krickett hanging on for dear life. The movie portrays this accident as a rear ender, sending Paige (Krickett) through the windshield, with Leo (Kim) virtually unharmed.

But it was truly by God’s grace and mercy that either made it out alive, and a remarkable miracle that Krickett is even alive today. Seven weeks after the accident was she able to go home to her parents, but not before a coma, severe physical therapy, and the crushing realization that she could not remember the last 18 months of her life.

Krickett never regained memory of her husband or their life together before the accident. Her personality was drastically altered and she had a difficult time expressing the proper emotion at the appropriate times, due to her brain injury. She was definitely not the woman Kim had loved and married, but they gave all the glory to God for sparing her life. It was because of the vow they had made to God, and each other, on their wedding day that kept them together through a very difficult time. They learned how to love and live together again, but not without much struggle.

If you and your spouse have “forgotten” how to love each other, pick up The Vow for a true-life example of how God CAN cause a miracle in your marriage, if you are faithful to your commitment to each other.

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Making Your Husband A Priority

by Christine - From Dates to Diapers on March 17, 2010

Okay Dads, now I know there are many of you who visit often, but this post is for my fellow Mom friends, so will you excuse us for a minute, please?

wedding rings

There are plenty of articles written about how to be a good mom, but as busy moms I think we tend to forget, at times, that we are wives first. I know I certainly do. My husband demands the least from me, so I often forget that it’s our marriage that needs to be nurtured the most. Our children need to see a healthy and loving relationship exemplified in the home. It is from us that they learn how to love and treat those of the opposite sex.

Trust me, I know that it’s easy to become overwhelmed with the caring for and training of our children, meal planning, housework, budgeting, and the million other jobs we attend to daily. At the end of the day I’m emotionally spent, worn out, and just plain exhausted.

But, it’s at the end of the day when my husband returns home from a long day of his own. He doesn’t complain when I ask him to stop at the store for a missing ingredient for that night’s dinner, or when he pitches in to help make it {or even when he has to make it on his own}. No complaints when he has to change another stinky diaper, or fill the dishwasher for the fourth day in a row.

However, you can be certain that I do hear about it when I neglect him. Of course, it’s not always expressed in words, but in looks and sighs. This is a good thing. I need a gentle reminder to make my husband a priority. In fact, I think wives everywhere need to be nudged a bit when they neglect their man.

Of course, it’s easier said than done, right? Well, maybe. But, how about doing something for your husband that he totally doesn’t expect? Show him you love him by doing the little things to prove it. Even when you may not want to at first.

Here are some ideas ::

  • Prepare his favorite foods for dinner or a Saturday mid-day meal.
  • Put your laptop and iPhone away for a few hours, one evening, and just snuggle.
  • Tell him how much you love him, the good old-fashioned way, and send him a love note.
  • Ask him how you may pray for him.
  • Flirt with your man across a crowded room. Even if that crowded room is movie night. In your family room. On a Sunday evening.
  • Remember to speak to him with respect. After all, he’s not one of your children.
  • Surprise him with a special date night out. Or in – after the kids are in bed.
  • Make time for sex. Yes, I said it. Mark it on the calendar, if you need to. Ladies, this one is important!
  • Or, how about something as sassy as having sexy boudoir pictures taken. You can ask my husband how much he loved this one!
  • Even just a quick kiss, out of nowhere, can do the trick.

Whatever you decide to do, the simple fact that you thought to do something out of the ordinary, will go a long way to let your husband know how much you love, appreciate and respect him.

Some of the ideas above came from a couple of good friends, but how about you? How do YOU let your man know he is a priority?

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The Five Languages of Love

by Christine - From Dates to Diapers on February 8, 2010

When Ray and I were newlyweds, we studied a book called The Five Love Languages. In this book, Gary Chapman explains the different ways in which people react to others, based on actions and words, thus resulting in changes in our “love tanks.”

Chapman spent an entire chapter in his book explaining how the love languages can be applied to children. He also wrote a book called The Five Love Languages of Children. Now, I haven’t read his book geared towards children, and we didn’t have children when we went through the first one, but the same lessons Ray and I learned so long ago can be applied to our children, as well. Our children need to have love tanks that are full, as well.

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According to Chapman, there are five ways in which each of us express and receive love:

  1. Quality Time
  2. Words of Affirmation
  3. Gifts
  4. Acts of Service
  5. Physical Touch

Each are pretty self-explanatory and I’m sure you could recognize which most speaks to you or your spouse just by glancing at the list, but what about your children? Which one would best describe each of their love languages?

Knowing how to identify each of the languages of love in Ray has helped me grasp how to identify them in my children. Ethan and Josh both begin to glow when Dad or I spend quality time with either of them. It doesn’t have to be a lot of time, but even just a quick conversation or little bit of undivided attention goes a long way in filling their love tanks. Zach, on the other hand, thrives on words of affirmation and encouragement. Gifts is my love language, so it’s easily recognizable in Julia as she is always making and giving gifts. And, physical touch is big for both my Ben and Noah – Both are generally always in need of a hug and Noah falls asleep with one hand on my face!

We naturally pour on all five languages when our children are young. We must spend time with them, serve them, and hug and cuddle, so as to sustain their life. We shower them with praises as they smile for the first time, burp after a feeding, and later as they begin to crawl and then walk.

As our children mature and develop personalities, however, their language of love can be a bit harder to identify. Here are a few ways to best determine which one each of our children most appreciates:

  • Observe their reaction to the different ways in which you express your love for them
  • Observe how they show their love to others
  • Listen to their requests
  • Give them options

I would love to hear which language you speak. What about your spouse and children?

It’s important to remember that if you express love in a way that is not understood, your child or spouse may not realize you’ve expressed your love at all. Chapman stresses the importance of understanding your loved ones’ language in order to keep their love tanks full.

Is your love tank full?

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There May Be Diapers, But We Don’t Forget the Dates

December 17, 2009

Tweet Ray and I are always pretty good about taking time out to spend an evening together, just the two of us. We may have gone “from dates to diapers” but we certainly haven’t forgotten about the dates! I truly believe that our date nights have been extremely influential in keeping our marriage so exciting. [...]

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10 Years Ago

August 28, 2009

Tweet We became husband and wife on that squeltering August evening, ten years ago today. I vowed to love, honor, and cherish him for all the days of my life. We became a new family. Just the two of us. We began a journey. A wonderful journey. And now, ten years later, I love him [...]

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First Kiss

August 4, 2008

Tweet Over the course of more than two years, he had become my best friend. Letters and phone calls, sent over the many miles that separated us, created a bond that was unbreakable. 11:47pm February 17, 1997 Tonight, the miles that typically separate us did no longer. He was here with me, if only for [...]

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Only then

August 3, 2008

Tweet We stopped for donuts on the way to church this morning. We were running late, as usual, so Ray ran in to make the purchase while I sat in the car with the kiddos. “There are a lot of people dressed for church, Mom,” Zach observed. “There are, aren’t there?” “Yes, and a lot [...]

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