I’ve always loved Ray with a very sincere and passionate love, but it felt for a bit as though we had “lost that lovin’ feeling.” I suppose it could have been the fact that I was either pregnant or nursing for the majority of the first eight years of our mariage. Or, perhaps, it was stress over finances and the cares of running a household of so many. I suspect, though, that it was as simple as taking each other for granted and losing sight of why we fell in love so many years ago.

Falling in love again with your spouse is definitely possible. Ray and I are proof. Recently there was a major shift in our relationship. We, once again, feel like giddy newlyweds and are often mistaken for such when we’re out on our bi-monthly dates. I believe it’s because we’ve made each other a priority, we take time for meaningful conversations, and we’ve just plain relaxed.

What else?

• Texting – When I receive a quick “thinking about you” or “i love you” text from Ray it immediately brings a smile to my face. This simple act can go a long way to let your spouse know that you care. It’s fun to get creative with your messages, too!

• Handwritten love notes – Before the age of iMessage, email and Facebook, Ray and I got to know each other through hand-written letters. Now, many years later, little notes, sometimes scrawled out in a hurry, brings back those warm memories of young love.

• “Parking” dates – It’s easy to get in a rut on date nights. A friend, just the other day, recommended ordering fast food and finding a great place to “park.” With the music turned down low, just go with the flow and relax together.

• Going away together - Ray and I are big believers in taking time away to focus on each other. In addition to our regular date nights, we try to go away for a night or two at least once a month. This mini-vacation restores intimacy and proves to each other that our marriage is a priority. It also shows our children know that we  value alone time.

• Quickies – I know what you are thinking, but I am referring to just a quick phone call, a brief visit to the office, or just a quiet time out in the evening to focus on each other. It doesn’t have to be long, but proving to each other that nothing is more important is so necessary for a healthy marriage.

• Reminiscing – I recently sat for hours and looked through old letters, cards, and photos from early in our marriage. Seeing our raw emotions and feelings expressed in words brought back that warm feeling of joy and happiness. Reminiscing together about your firsts as a couple is sure to spark some pleasant conversations.

How do you and your spouse keep the spark alive in your marriage?

photo credit: Adam Foster | Codefor via photopin cc, text added

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My sisters and I recently went and saw the movie The Vow, with Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum. I laughed and cried and we all left the theater expressing how much we liked the movie.

But, the movie left a lasting impression on me. The actors who appeared in the movie were not what made the impression, nor were their performances, but rather the story. (Although, Mr Channing is certainly not hard to look at!)

The Vow portrays the heartbreaking events that occurred in the lives of a real couple. Of course, the movie is a Hollywood production, which is just to say that only some of the events mimic those that changed Kim and Krickett Carpenter forever – most importantly the loss of Krickett’s memory in a horrific accident.

I was inspired to discover the true-life story of a husband who kept his promise to his new bride to “provide for and protect (her) through times of challenge and need.” I devoured the book written by the Carpenters on my cross-country trip yesterday.

What would you do if your spouse didn’t remember you? How would you feel if s/he had no recollection of meeting you, dating you, falling in love with you, much less marrying you?

Kim and Krickett had only been married two months when they were involved in the accident that left Kim’s body broken and cut, and Krickett hanging on for dear life. The movie portrays this accident as a rear ender, sending Paige (Krickett) through the windshield, with Leo (Kim) virtually unharmed.

But it was truly by God’s grace and mercy that either made it out alive, and a remarkable miracle that Krickett is even alive today. Seven weeks after the accident was she able to go home to her parents, but not before a coma, severe physical therapy, and the crushing realization that she could not remember the last 18 months of her life.

Krickett never regained memory of her husband or their life together before the accident. Her personality was drastically altered and she had a difficult time expressing the proper emotion at the appropriate times, due to her brain injury. She was definitely not the woman Kim had loved and married, but they gave all the glory to God for sparing her life. It was because of the vow they had made to God, and each other, on their wedding day that kept them together through a very difficult time. They learned how to love and live together again, but not without much struggle.

If you and your spouse have “forgotten” how to love each other, pick up The Vow for a true-life example of how God CAN cause a miracle in your marriage, if you are faithful to your commitment to each other.

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