Our pastor is preaching a series on brotherly love, directly from 1 Corinthians 13. Yesterday morning, as I sat in my seat, soaking up Pastor Kevin’s words – words spoken as if they were just for me – I couldn’t help but reflect on God’s love and how I fall short of demonstrating His love through my actions.

As adults we have established a certain code of etiquette, if you will, of which kindness and respect is most often included. We refer to our elders as Sir and Ma’am. We apologetically say excuse me when we’ve caused an interruption. If you are anything like me, you are quick to say I’m sorry if you have done wrong, and you’re happy to make those around you feel comfortable.

As a mother I strive to teach my children how to behave properly. I expect them to be kind and considerate to each other, their peers, and their elders. Rude and inappropriate behavior, unkind words, and prideful attitudes never go unchecked.

But if I have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

I think of myself as a fairly considerate person, but all too often I am unkind, impatient, and downright rude – lacking in love. I yell at my children and snap at my husband. I complain about how inconsiderate my neighbors are and neglect to treat them with compassion. I harbor bitterness towards those who have hurt or offended me (or my children) and show no true forgiveness.

Yesterday, as I sat in church, the Spirit gently reminded me that God is love and through His grace alone can I truly love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

How good-natured and amiable is Christian charity (love)! How excellent would Christianity appear to the world, if those who profess it were more under this Divine principle, and paid due regard to the command on which its blessed Author laid the chief stress! Let us ask whether this Divine love dwells in our hearts. Has this principle guided us into becoming behaviour to all men? Are we willing to lay aside selfish objects and aims? Here is a call to watchfulness, diligence, and prayer. -Matthew Henry

When Ray and I were newlyweds, we studied a book called The Five Love Languages. In this book, Gary Chapman explains the different ways in which people react to others, based on actions and words, thus resulting in changes in our “love tanks.”

Chapman spent an entire chapter in his book explaining how the love languages can be applied to children. He also wrote a book called The Five Love Languages of Children. Now, I haven’t read his book geared towards children, and we didn’t have children when we went through the first one, but the same lessons Ray and I learned so long ago can be applied to our children, as well. Our children need to have love tanks that are full, as well.

According to Chapman, there are five ways in which each of us express and receive love:

1. Quality Time
2. Words of Affirmation
3. Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

Each are pretty self-explanatory and I’m sure you could recognize which most speaks to you or your spouse just by glancing at the list, but what about your children? Which one would best describe each of their love languages?

Knowing how to identify each of the languages of love in Ray has helped me grasp how to identify them in my children. Ethan and Josh both begin to glow when Dad or I spend quality time with either of them. It doesn’t have to be a lot of time, but even just a quick conversation or little bit of undivided attention goes a long way in filling their love tanks. Zach, on the other hand, thrives on words of affirmation and encouragement. Gifts is my love language, so it’s easily recognizable in Julia as she is always making and giving gifts. And, physical touch is big for both my Ben and Noah – Both are generally always in need of a hug and Noah falls asleep with one hand on my face!

We naturally pour on all five languages when our children are young. We must spend time with them, serve them, and hug and cuddle, so as to sustain their life. We shower them with praises as they smile for the first time, burp after a feeding, and later as they begin to crawl and then walk.

As our children mature and develop personalities, however, their language of love can be a bit harder to identify. Here are a few ways to best determine which one each of our children most appreciates:

• Observe their reaction to the different ways in which you express your love for them
• Observe how they show their love to others
• Listen to their requests
• Give them options

I would love to hear which language you speak. What about your spouse and children?

It’s important to remember that if you express love in a way that is not understood, your child or spouse may not realize you’ve expressed your love at all. Chapman stresses the importance of understanding your loved ones’ language in order to keep their love tanks full.

Is your love tank full?

Over the course of more than two years, he had become my best friend. Letters and phone calls, sent over the many miles that separated us, created a bond that was unbreakable.

11:47pm February 17, 1997

Tonight, the miles that typically separate us did no longer. He was here with me, if only for a short time. As we sat in my parents living room, talking about the future, the world was quiet around us.

He told me that he loved me. He told me that he would always love me.

As he leaned over to kiss me, I started to tremble. We shared our first kiss, my first kiss ever. It was short, but oh-so sweet.

And we said good night.

Looking back on that night – a night that seems like a lifetime ago – I vividly recall the feelings of raw emotion, tenderness, and young love.

This month, over 11 years after our first kiss, we will celebrate our ninth wedding anniversary. I am thrilled beyond words that I still see the same look of love and adoration, when I look at my husband and he gives me the first kiss of every day.

This post was submitted in Scribbit’s August Write-Away Contest .

We stopped for donuts on the way to church this morning. We were running late, as usual, so Ray ran in to make the purchase while I sat in the car with the kiddos.

“There are a lot of people dressed for church, Mom,” Zach observed.

“There are, aren’t there?”

“Yes, and a lot of them are old.” This time from Josh.

We live fairly close to an active adult (PC for retirement) community. And Josh was right, this morning there were many who had stopped for coffee on their way to church, much like we had stopped for donuts.

I became an observer myself, as I sat there, and witnessed something beautiful. It happened in a blink of an eye and the couple – both of them beautiful and unhurried, old and crowned with silver – unknowingly made an impression on me that lasted all day.

Right at that very moment, I looked forward to a time when Ray and I still share a look of love and adoration, as he opens the car door for me, on an early Sunday morning.

Only then, both of us will be old and crowned with silver… and unhurried.